Children, especially growing ones constantly need to be told what and what not to do, which they very often hate. Here is a regular morning episode between a close friend of mine and her son while she awoke him for school. Here’s what generally followed:
“You never get up on time and make me come to your room again and again. You have absolutely no sense of responsibility or regard for me. You always make me shout and yell all the time to hurry up so that you won’t miss the bus. You carry junk for brunch to school. You’re losing weight and your performance at school is steadily dropping. You come back from school and sit in front of the television until I shout at you to begin your homework. You are getting more and more disgusting and unbearable by the day.”
She confided in me that no amount of shouting and yelling was helping her to better her son and instead the situation was getting worse! I told her that she shouldn’t expect anything else from the way she spoke and behaved with her child. I advised her to communicate effectively but firmly with her son to see better results. I suggested that she omit the ‘you’ from her conversation and instead use ‘I’. The results were phenomenal after she altered her style of communication which went like this:
“I want you to get out of bed immediately as I have to prepare your breakfast and if you miss the bus, I will be unable to take you to school as I have to report to work early. I have made a tasty omelette sandwich for myself and you can carry the same for brunch. After coming back from school, I want you to begin your work early so that we can go and watch a cartoon film which has been released early this week. You are an obedient child and I’m sure, you’ll follow the instructions I have given you carefully so that we see a rise in your mark sheet and your teachers also praise you for your hard work.” Needless to say, this approach had far-reaching effects in building a good relationship with her child.