How to Write a Satirical Essay on a Social Problem ala Swift

Why should people never take their face masks off, no matter what?

How would you write a satirical essay about this social problem, ala Swift? Come up with an outrageous solution to your problem. Include an enumerated list of at least three advantages to your solution and explain them. Include two to three realistic solutions to your problem that could work in the real world. You want to call attention to a problem you want to be solved, so without realistic solutions, your essay is pointless. Remember to connect with the reader by highlighting and showing sincerity.