Comment on my thesis, please!
It’s for persuasive essay about homelessness.
In the recent years homelessness started to affect Vancouver adversely and we must do something to end.
Is it good?
It’s not good. What do you man by “affect adversely”? Why I “must” act? What “something”? How do you see this “end”? Try to be more specific. To make our city safe we must act as a civilized society and deal with homelessness with the help of …, …, …. Being human beings who live in the society, we are to realize that the live of homeless people needs improvement and we are the ones who should …..
Your thesis is not strong enough. You should include several points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. Thesis is something like an outline, it shows what will be discussed. Homelessness is becoming a critical issue for Vancouver, as unstable economy leads to the increased prices for rent, products, and clothes, and people cannot afford them.